Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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