I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
