Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm not a real person

(586): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry, everyone knows that

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(925): View more from California

upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday

Fav 42 3321 902
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(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

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(226): View more from Ontario

i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.

Fav 28 9091 1124
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(317): View more from Indiana

if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?

(317): View more from Indiana

all hypothetical of course

Fav 14 5866 1597
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(540): View more from Virginia

Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

Fav 20 8432 2012
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(702): View more from Nevada

I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes

Fav 1 732 393
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(513): View more from Ohio

Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science

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