is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
