before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
