Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
