why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
