ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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