Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize