He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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