I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
