So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
