I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
