I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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