that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
