he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
