Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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