i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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