my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it because I queefed?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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