was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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