Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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