Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
