it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
