You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
