my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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