dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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