i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
