I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
