Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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