i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
