Got a toothbrush?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
