No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dick very happy bro
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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