so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
