He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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