I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize