there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
