i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
