Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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