Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
