I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
