this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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