theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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