They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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