I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
