She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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