As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize