I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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