I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize