i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
