haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drake has all the answers
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
