pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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