The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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