I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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