After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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