My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
