Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
