Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
