he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
