I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
