Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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