You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
