So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
