i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
