my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
