Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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