She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
