does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
