yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
