it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
