whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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