My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
