I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
