the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
