First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
