Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
