Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
