I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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