I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
