I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
