it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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