apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
