Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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