HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
