so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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