I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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