I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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