just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
